10 Lessons Learned from Toxic Relationships
You will feel the highest highs and the lowest lows
One of the most difficult aspects of toxic relationships is the highs and the lows. The highs have you feeling as if you are on cloud nine, but you will be slowly let down every single time until you hit the low lows. It will be confusing, and you tend to feel bad about yourself. Remember, it is not you. You are enough, and you are being manipulated. Breathe, hold your truth close to you, and remember your worth.
You will feel as if you are going crazy
Due to the emotional ups and downs, you will feel like you are losing your mind. Everything will feel like it’s either in a euphoric state or a nightmare. You will feel like you are constantly wrong and not validated. You will begin to doubt yourself and lose trust in yourself. Your feelings are so very valid no matter what anyone tells you.
You will begin to lose yourself and those around you
The constant state of confusion will have you losing yourself and your self-worth. You may isolate yourself and withdrawal from others. The wrong people in your life will wither leave or promote the chaos cycle and the right ones will have a difficulty understanding you. Focus on you and safely getting away from the toxicity if you can. You deserve love, peace, and happiness.
You will miss them even though you know they weren’t good for you
This one was a very difficult one for me. I knew better, but I still missed them. I have come to find out that I missed the idea of them and their potential, but nonetheless, it hurts. You will grieve. Sit and feel your emotions. Know that you are not defined by these feelings, and that you will be okay.
Setting boundaries will be well-intended, but not well-received
Boundaries are very difficult to set let alone keep up. When and if you set them, they will automatically be taken as an insult. Furthermore, the person may agree to them, and then disrespect them and you every chance they get. Keep strong and consistent. It will be difficult, but necessary. You can do this. Keep going!
You will need to relearn your identity
As I mentioned earlier, you will begin to feel lost. Every thought, emotion, and belief you once knew will all feel like they are not real. You will lose parts of you as you try to appease the toxic person. Furthermore, you will need to tap into your inner self, and from a removed perspective, and relearn the new you. You will be different, but you will be more experienced. It’s not right what happened to you. But eventually, you will see how underneath the anger and shame, you are a very kind, intelligent, and compassionate person who is and will always be enough.
You will eventually make peace with the fact that people may not believe you
Most toxic people have a target. But besides the target, they are very charming people that play the victim. People will tend to gravitate towards their energy. Their life is the same and unbothered so they will come across as the one who was victimized. The more you try to explain, the more they will judge you and believe that you may have been the problem. At the end of the day, you know the truth. That truly is all that matters.
You will never be the same, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing
You will forever be different just as you would be in any difficult situation. But if you look hard enough, you will learn so much about yourself. You will see some toxic patterns, but you will also see why the people targeted you. They saw your loving ways, and your potential. You were picked because of how great you were. They didn’t want to destroy someone who didn’t have anything to offer. Even though they tear you down, you challenge them, their beliefs, and their security. You may not feel it, but you are amazing, and I hope one day, you can see yourself the way others see you so beautifully from the inside out.
You will be okay even if it feels like you will never wake up from this nightmare
For a while, you will feel like you will never wake up from this nightmare. But you will. You need to tell yourself that things will get better. Each day, you need to feel your emotions as hard as that can be, so you can heal. Be very gentle with yourself and see the beauty and growth in each day. Some days, you will just be surviving. That’s perfectly okay.
You will need to lean into your support and remember to give yourself the time and love you deserve
I used to think that I could get through everything on my own. I didn’t think anyone would understand, and that I would be a burden to them. But I have found out that you need to lean on your support. You are not a burden to the people that love you. Please allow them to be there for you. They will not be able to take away the pain, but they sure can help be there for you as you would be for them 😊