5 Ways to Deal with a Breakup

1. Sit with it: Yep. Sit with it. This is not easy. Speaking from experience, it is easier to keep busy; it is easier to bash the person, or even try to move on or under 😉 Let’s face it,that is our initial instincts. But the problem with impulsive or avoidance behaviors is that they almost always make the situation worse. In the moment, it makes us feel better; it makes us feel cared for. It allows us to avoid the real emotions for a bit. But after some time, the pain hits harder. Not to mention, the pain from some of our actions just adds to the pain we are already covering up. If we can just sit with it for a bit, we can allow ourselves to think clearer. You would be surprised how much clarity you can gain from just sitting with the pain, the emotions, and the change. You will know when it is time to move on to the next step, mourning.

2. Mourn it: With any ending or change, there will be a time of mourning. One of the things I used to believe was the fact that if the change was good and the breakup was for the best, I would not feel sad. I would feel relieved and happy. Now, I tend to feel those as well, but there is definitely an ebb and flow to how I feel. If I do not mourn the person and the relationship, it begins to turn from sadness to anger to regret to taking a walk down memory lane. This never turns out good. Mourn in the way that works for you. But make sure you slowly but surely get it out of your system. It will allow you to grow through the pain and discomfort.

3. Growth with it: I am a firm believer that we grow daily if we allow ourselves to do so. When we go through a breakup and change, there is a growing process. At the time, it may not feel like much. You may even believe that you are going backwards as opposed to growing. But you are learning even in the mundane ways of life. These moments are blessings in disguise even when we do not see it. Remind yourself that every so often. This is adding to your personal resume on your life journey. This sounds cliché, but it is so true. Of course, it is easier to see from the other side of the tunnel. Keep going, stay as present and consistent as possible, and you will see what was always meant for you 😊

4. Be Patient: Patience is a virtue. But damn is it hard to do. I find it especially hard after a breakup. Patience is definitely not something I want to practice. I am on edge, anxious, and depressed, and not in the mood to be patient. But patience can be your friend during this time. Practice it slowly every day and show up for you. You deserve it and you are worth it. Take the time and get to know you. You need the love right now.

5. Date yourself: I know. This definitely does not sound appealing. You might even go as far as to say that it sounds lame. I used to think it sounded lame as well. Why would I want to date myself? It sounds weird and not fun, but I truly believe it is needed in order to be your best self and for when and if you decide to move forward. Take yourself out. Show yourself the love that you would in a relationship. Hang out with yourself and tell yourself all the amazing things you love about you. It will take time and feel awkward, but you will realize, in time, how good it feels to get to know you and reevaluate your wants and needs first. Give yourself that gift 😊