This is one of the quotes that I have written that really sticks with me. When we feel uncomfortable, our first instinct is to want to leave. We feel insecure and not worthy or capable of what we really want to do. I can remember saying phrases like, “I wish I had….” I wish I had time, the ability, or thought of it sooner. See, for me, I felt like I didn’t have the capability or time. But the reality was the fact that I was scared and out of my comfort zone. Here are some of my thoughts and actions that held me back from opportunities and what I did about them to move forward.
• I compared myself to others. And for me, I didn’t think I compared. In my mind, I wasn’t as good as these people. I can remember thinking that they were put together more than myself; they didn’t deal with anxiety and really bad days. Rationally, I knew that they had bad days, but I was just focused on the beautiful pictures and the even more eloquent words. They were so all together and productive and motivated. I could never compare. I allowed this to get the best of me and ignore the things I really wanted. I made excuses. But as I got to see the reality of people, and slowly started getting to know and utilizing my own unique abilities, I was able to go after my purpose and my dreams. They weren’t the same as others, but they were mine. I still get uncomfortable, but that is part of my motivation and the process.
• I trusted other people above myself. This still bothers me to even write this sentence. I always trusted others first. I know that I did this due to trauma and a way of surviving and feeling worthy. But it held me back. Even when I knew it didn’t feel right, I didn’t want to disappoint others. I learned that came with consequences and I didn’t want to deal with the guilt, shame, and anxiety that came with it. I can look back and see why and it saddens me. It makes me mad. That anger kept me scared and stuck. This feeling was way worse for me than putting up boundaries and listening to my instincts. It has been such a struggle, but so freeing. You know yourself better than anyone. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself.
• I practiced negative self-talk in my daily life. I didn’t even realize how much I was doing this. I thought that I was just being honest with myself, and that part of me deserved to take responsibility for myself by being negative. This didn’t do anything for me but doubt my worth and capability. Holding myself accountable is not the same as putting yourself down. Changing the way I spoke to myself and practicing positive self-talk will change your perspective and mindset.
• I equated change with failure. Change is a part of life, and it is very difficult for me to do. Even if its for the best, any change meant that I failed. It was hard for me to let go of things that served me for so long but didn’t serve me anymore. They would paralyze me with fear and anxiety. But the reality is that I was failing myself by going against change, and not facing it head on. I knew this was the only way. I had to keep changing, and every time, after some time, I realized the necessity of it, and I was glad I did it. Sometimes, life forces you to change. Either way, the more you can lean into it, the more you will benefit from it.
• I rushed my timing. I was not patient. I felt this need to play catch up; to keep up with the Joneses. I felt the need to keep going and to stay busy. This had me feeling burnt out and doubting myself. I didn’t think people had to put this much time and effort in. It seemed as if people were just more talented and effortless. It had me feeling like I couldn’t do it. But then I realized that peoples’ positive results weren’t instantaneous. They took time and effort. I realized I had to be more patient as well as keep consistency and hard work at the forefront.
So, remember, you are not out of your league. You are just out of your comfort zone. You are worthy and capable of going after and attaining the life you want. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it 😊